this is what it's all about

happy half birthday my little one.
where has all the time gone?
i can not believe that it was half a year ago that this little ray of sunshine came into our lives. i felt i had waited all my life for that day to come, and now it seems like it was in fact a lifetime ago. how could the time fly so fast? when did he get so big? and who said it was ok for him to grow up? how did i ever live without those deep brown eyes, and what in the world did i do with all that room in my heart that is reserved just for him before he was here?

motherhood has been so different than i expected. but one thing has gone way above and beyond any expectation i could have ever had: how much i love this little angel. i never knew my every emotion could be so tied up into another tiny little life. i had no idea that his smile would absolutely fill my heart so full that i was sure it would burst. i could not have imagined how much it would hurt to hear him cry and how desperate i would feel to make everything better. i had no clue how much he would consume my life - every thought, every action, every prayer with him in mind.

there have also been days when being a mom was not easy. sometimes i get overwhelmed that this poor little guy will have to suffer so much because of my weaknesses. why can't he just have a perfect mom? he deserves it! and other days i think that there has got to be more to life than poopy diapers, laundry, the dishes, breastfeeding, and not getting a decent night's sleep. and then i remember, this is what it's all about.
it's all about learning and growing together.
it's all about seeing the world through his eyes and catching the wonder of a new life in an undiscovered world.
it's all about loving so hard that it hurts and knowing what it feels like to give all you have for someone else.
it's all about seeing your weaknesses and knowing that you can not do it alone, nor are you expected to.
it's all about relishing every last second of every single day because they go so fast.
it's all about the snuggles and the belly laughs and the bubble blowing and the chunky legs.
this is what it's all about.

one of my favorite things to do is sit in the rocking chair right before nap time and hold my little o tight as can be all wrapped up in his blankie and sing primary songs. i love that he cuddles up to me and lets me love him. i love when he falls asleep in my arms and i love that moment of tenderness. in that moment it takes everything out of me to put him down to sleep. i just want to hold him and enjoy every second while he is still in my arms. these days will not last forever, and before i know it he will be too squirmy, too old, too heavy, too embarrassed to let his mama hold him. so for now, this is what it's all about.
love you owey. could not be a prouder mama.