Wednesday, April 29, 2009
ok, now hurry over there, because there are too many incredible shots to share.
michelle, have i told you lately how much i love you? and your camera?
p.s. did you see that owey is famous?
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
2) i had my first ever "i-know-you-from-your-blog-but-not-in-real-life" meeting experience a few weeks ago. michelle came over to take our family pictures (more about that later) and i have been thinking ever since how cool it is that i now have a friend who is not only super talented and generous, but an awesome mom of 6 and a phenomenal writer. someone i probably never would have crossed paths otherwise, but whose written words and example have impacted my life.
3) in said rendevouz, michelle said in passing that being at my house with my 2 boys reminded her of that time in her life. we quickly commented about how hard it is and she mentioned that it can be a lonely time in life and then the conversation shifted elsewhere. afterwards i reflected and realized that although this time in life isn't easy, i don't feel lonely. i certainly could. i really only have 1 friend here and a few aunts and uncles. but thanks to you, lovely internets, i feel connected to friends and family daily. 10 years ago i am sure i would have felt very lonely with no interaction outside of my kids. what a blessing.
4) ok, you want to see the pictures? michelle sent a few as a sneak peek, and i can't keep them to myself any longer...
i know. awesome huh? oh, how i love blogging.
(thanks michelle!) here's her photography website...
p.s. if you are reading this through a feed, be sure to check out the new blog design courtesy of the hubby. i know- he rocks, huh?
we are so glad you are part of our family! we know, it's been a little bit crazy around here - but you'll get used to it! we can't believe it has already been a month since you came to our home - how time flies when you're having fun...
your patience and mild manner have proven to be such a blessing to us. your brother loves you to pieces and in time i'm sure you'll get over the fact that he tries to lay on you or smother you with cpr kisses. i love your soulful eyes and your serious stare - makes me wonder about all that you know and just can't say. your dad and i can hardly believe we have two boys and we just can't wait to see more of your little personality come through.
we love love love you little henry.
mom, dad, and owey o.
Friday, April 17, 2009
can i have a do-over?
i read and re-read and re-read my "moments" post from the other day before publishing it. and then yesterday i looked it over again and wanted to smack myself.
i remember a few years ago when the whole getting pregnant thing just wasn't working out. after months of heartbreak (and not telling anyone about it) i felt ready to self-destruct. could it be possible that this would be my burden in life? wanting to be a mom more than anything and not being able to fulfill that dream? one of the hardest things about being in that situation was seeing moms who simply didn't appreciate what a priceless gift they had. they complained about their kids and what a pain they were. they were envious of my "freedom." they seemed to forget about the fact that they had at one point wanted to have children and now could only see what an inconvenience being a mom was. it was in situations such as those that it took everything out of me to not yell and scream and shake them and get them to wake up and realize that i would do anything to be in their shoes. it just didn't seem fair.
and then, miracle of miracles, owey came along. it seemed too good to be true, and i promised myself i would never be one of those moms. that i would be more sensitive to those around me who may be struggling. that i would remember every day how much i wanted this baby and act accordingly.
since it took so long to get #1, we were taken aback by the news of #2. a shock, but a blessing. i had been emotionally preparing myself for another long road to have a brother or sister for o, but finding out i was pregnant when he was only 9 months old was both super exciting (yeah! i'm not broken afterall!) and super scary(whoa. 18 months apart.) and it still is. 2 babies - what a gift! but holy moly - 2 babies! yikes!!
and so, when i have hard days (or hard nights) i have to remember how desperate i was to have kids. i have nothing to complain about. i am living the life i have always wanted to live! i get to stay at home and watch my boys grow up. i get to smell henry's sweet breath and wrap owey's curls around my fingers. i get to play cars and stack blocks and read books and listen to a little itty bitty find his voice and observe the world around him. i don't have to deal with angry customers and traffic and deadlines. i get to create the world for my boys. i get to decide what their environment is like. i get all the kisses and snuggles i want. (well, usually.)
here's the thing about blogging. i have a hard time striking a balance between the "mommy-blog" that talks endlessly about how wonderful her babies are and how everything is sunshine and rainbows all the time, and the "bitter-blog" that uses the blog as an avenue to vent and complain. of course there are good days and bad days. i would love to be able to write honestly not worrying about the way others are perceiving my thoughts. yet, the knowledge that friends and family are reading makes me strive to do better, be better, and find life lessons to relate. so, would you be patient with me as i fumble through this mothering business hoping i can be the kind of mom i've always wanted to be? and would you bear with me as i learn to find my voice?
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
little henry. (with big brother in the background on his favorite new toy - the baby swing. oy vey.)
it was after a few long nights of little sleep and plenty of frustration and feelings of inadequacy and incompetence that i spoke with carlie on the phone. expressing my fatigue and feelings of selfishness, she reminded me of something that i really needed to hear that day, and today too for that matter:
from a talk given by Elder M. Russell Ballard last april
"First, recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.
Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: 'The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. … I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less' (Loud and Clear , 10–11)."
those words (as paraphrased by carlie the other day) hit me like a ton of bricks. sure, there will be sleepless nights. there will be crying babies. there will be disciplining. there will be tempers lost and rough days. and some days may feel like i am fighting a losing battle. but, if i am strong enough and brave enough to relish in those beautiful moments that do come when i am looking for them, i feel satisfied, nay, HAPPY in my role as wife and mother and don't completely lose my mind in this pile of diapers and burp cloths.
shortly after that conversation, henry slept soundly in the other room and i had a few minutes with owey to myself. we read books together and laughed together and then he let me rock him and sing him to sleep. (those of you who know owey well know that he doesn't do this- he rarely falls alseep anywhere but his bed.) as i sat there holding my (big) baby, i felt overwhelmed with joy at what an awesome time of life this is and at how lucky i am to be able to spend each and every day with these beautiful boys. and when the house is a mess and there is laundry to fold and i can't hear myself think over the sound of the dishwasher, the favorite dvd of the week and the cry of a hungry babe, i have to reflect on these moments that make it all worth it and seek them out each day.
owey- the master at living in the moment. (showing off his new death-defying stunt of jumping from coffee table to couch.) and me? i think i'm living in the moment by not caring if you see what a disaster my house was that day. so there.
what do you do to live in the moment?
Monday, April 13, 2009
we decided to hit up the orem easter egg hunt on saturday to feel a little festive. didn't realize it was going to rain (oops on the hoodie only for owey). didn't realize that owen had no idea what to do (thought he would see candy and go for it!) until we started singing the clean-up song (worked like a charm). didn't realize that every man woman and child in orem would be there as well (made for good people watching). didn't realize the "hunt" would only last about 2.2 minutes (how exactly can you call it a "hunt" when everything is plainly in sight?) didn't realize that there was another egg hunt across the street from our house until we got home. oops. still, we had a good time and owey was super excited about the one piece of candy he got! i was excited to get out of the house and to participate in the community fun.
what i did manage to realize, however, was that easter is so much more than colored eggs and chocolate bunnies. i am so grateful for the knowledge that i have of the resurrection of Jesus Christ and for all that it implies. i hope i can always remember to celebrate that priceless gift.
a clip from my favorite conference talk:
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Friday, April 03, 2009
my mom and dad came in town the day before henry's big arrival. my dad was only there for a day or 2 (so glad henry got to meet his namesake!) but my mom stuck around for a week to take care of owey while i was in the hospital and make sure our house stayed afloat. i could go on and on about this, but i think this picture pretty much sums it up:
my boys love their grammy. thanks so much mom. we literally could not have done this without your help.
2) auntie m.
my mom and sis literally handed off the baton (or car keys in this case) in the airport so that i wouldn't be without help. miq came and stayed 5 days, taking time away from her little ones to make sure i was ok with my little ones. i am so glad she had a chance to bond with owey and to meet the new addition and hopefully get a chance to relax a little too. we had a lot of fun together and i'm so grateful she was willing to make the trek.
3) grandma and grandpa.
as we speak, owey is with grandma and grandpa in evanston. don't get me started on this because it has been way harder than i thought it would be to let my boy go away for the week... however, i have been able to rest and recover like i would not have been able to had he been here. we are off to pick him up this afternoon and i can hardly wait to see that heartbreaker smile. it has been fun to have henry to ourselves and to get to know him (and boy has it been quiet!) but we miss our owey. i feel so lucky to have inlaws that are so willing to extend a hand and who love their grandkids so much. it made it a little bit easier to send him off knowing how well he'd be taken care of.
4) all the rest of y'all.
thanks for the meals, the kind words and prayers, the sweet gifts, etc. we are so blessed. i've been saying that over and over again for the past few weeks. it's true.