d-day...

i really wish i had a stamp like this right now so that i could plaster it across my forehead. everywhere i go random strangers stop me and ask when i'm due. "today" is kind of a bummer to say over and over again. can't wait till tomorrow at church when i get to say "yesterday."



i know, i know... i haven't posted since wednesday and here it is saturday and some of you may be thinking, "hooray! she's had the baby and been put out of her misery!" sad to say... you are very wrong.
i have been saying "september 22nd" since uh... january now, and here it is september 22nd. just another day. how anti-climactic!

i have not totally lost it yet- yes i have cleaned my house several times (clint thinks i'm "nesting" however i think he is wrong. you see, i am not compelled to clean in the least - i am just hoping the strenuous scrubbing will put me into labor!), yes i have probably walked 15 to 20 miles this week (mind you the most exercise i've done since finding out i was pregnant), i have cried a few times (last night for instance because we didn't go to dinner where i wanted to go even though i didn't tell clint where i wanted to go... i swear- he deserves the purple heart or something), and i have packed and repacked my hospital bag at least 3 times.
yesterday out of sheer boredom i went to the library (i got a card last week another day when i was bored), but since i already have a really long book i'm reading i thought it might be fun to rent a few dvd's (one's that i wouldn't subject anyone else to watch with me, but just to have some noise around the house). turns out the library doesn't have the best selection of movies, so here's what i ended up with:
(don't laugh- i am temporarily insane remember?)

1. Clueless (already watched it yesterday and had major flashbacks)

2. The Lakehouse (yes, i know it has Keanu Reeves in it and that is a major risk, but it's a risk i'm willing to take... i'm bored, remember?)

3. Kramer vs. Kramer (I know NOTHING about this movie except that it won a lot of awards and is rated PG - which nowadays would be nothing short of a miracle)

4. Tootsie (no, i'm not obsessed with Dustin Hoffman in his younger years. when i saw the dvd on the shelf i remembered a friend from middle school that i have not talked to since middle school who always said it was her favorite- and now, 15 years later, i have decided to believe her.)

and last but not least (and this is my favorite to admit here in the public blogging world)

5. YOU GOT SERVED. (yep - you heard me right. clint and i always make fun of this movie even though we've never seen it just because it has possibly the most ridiculous title of all time. so naturally, i had to get it.)

so, movie marathons it is until the little guy comes because i have pretty much run out of things to do (or clean). wish me luck!

tagged...

(pretty cool pic huh? those venezuelans...)

my sister mique tagged me on this one. i guess she thinks i'm a real blogger now that i post more than once every 3 months. i've never done one of these, so here goes...

1.) what i was doing ten years ago: just starting my freshman year at byu and loving every last second of it. it seemed impossible to be bored when living in the dorms and making new friends at every turn (who still happen to be GREAT friends!)

2.) five years ago: i can hardly believe it has been this long, but 5 years ago i had just gotten back from my mission to mendoza argentina and was adjusting to post-mish life. by now i would have again been back at byu living in the enclave trying to figure out how to be normal with my friend lauren who had also just gotten back. (it was sooo weird by the way that instantly when i got home, more than 50% of the guys i knew were younger than me. gross.) i would have just started teaching at the mtc (favorite job EVER) and adjusting to my difficult schedule of 3 religion classes, guitar, and voice, and maybe one spanish class. (i figured it was better to come back to school after the mission than go back to nothing!)

3) one year ago: one year ago we had just moved to san diego after a summer's adventure with the ericksons in wyoming. we were renting in oceanside just a few blocks to the beach - i wasn't working, so i was busy trying to be a vegetarian, taking daily strolls down to the pier and the farmer's market, and entertaining my puppy. i was also still trying to get pregnant and hoping to be a mom anyday. we had a lot of fun in oceanside actually, and i really miss being that close to the ocean. (not that i'm complaining now!)

4.) yesterday: (after another LONG walk in hopes of getting owen here a little quicker) my sweet mom felt sorry for me (thanks mom) and took me out to the movies (nanny diaries- cute) and to lunch (einsteins - yummy). it was nice to get out of the house and socialize (the puppy is cute, but doesn't talk much) and of course always nice to spend mommy daughter time. :)

5.) 5 snacks i enjoy: fruit (any kind - i am obsessed with fruit), ice cream, chips and guacamole, cereal, a new favorite - corn salsa

6.) 5 things i would do if i suddenly had $100 million: wow. it's dangerous to let a girl dream like this... first of course, pay EVERYTHING off and save like half of it. then- buy 2 new cars (only after getting rid of the 3 we currently have) - my choice would be a BMW X5 - and clint can get whatever he wants, buy a bigger house with a yard (still here in carmel valley- we love it here), donate to a few favorite charities (autism speaks and the cystic fibrosis foundation) and then seriously, i don't know... i would want to save it all up so that we could be spoiled all the time and not just all at once!

7.) 5 locations i would like to run away to: ooh... europe first for sure (clint and i have never been together), then hawaii (any island), lake powell, yosemite (never been there- it's a shame), the canadian rockies (never been there either).

8.) 5 bad habits i have: sleeping in (i'm sure this will change soon!), biting my nails, leaving messes, putting off laundry as long as possible, worrying.

9.) 5 things i like doing: reading, sewing, cuddling, going to the beach, being with friends and family, eating

10.) 5 TV shows i like: (we don't have cable, but if we did...) the office, scrubs, anything on hgtv, so you think you can dance, animal planet (yes- i'm a dork)

11.) 5 things i hate doing: cleaning, picking up dog poop, having a confrontation, brushing my teeth (just a pregnancy thing - makes me gag still), waking up to pee every 2 hours (also a pregnancy thing)

12.) 5 biggest joys of the moment: umm.... owen, owen, owen, owen, and let me think... owen. (do ya think i'm a little over-focused?one-track mind maybe?)

now i get tag 5 people!

1. lauren
2. amy and aaron
3. jessy
4. mom
5. t&e

"never turn your back on the ocean" -hawaiian proverb

sometimes it hits me just how lucky i am...

patience...

apparently, i have pregnancy induced schizophrenia. you see, i've had to go back to the post i wrote just a few days ago several times to remind myself that it is ok that this baby isn't here yet. sane jessica knows that he will come when he's ready, that i won't die if i am pregnant another week, that it will all be worth it. however, sometimes crazy jessica creeps in and brings in all the drama humanly possible in being 39 (and a half!) weeks pregnant.
i went to the doctor again yesterday - and yes, still nothing.
and again, totally bummed.
i told clint it would be easier to be patient if being pregnant were more comfortable. (duh.)
so, what did i do? what any normal (when i say normal i mean DESPERATE) mommy-to-be would do. i laced up my tennis shoes (first time i've worn anything but flip flops in more than 2 months by the way), gave my puppy a pep talk, grabbed the ipod, and headed off for a nice long walk in hopes of getting things moving.
since i had done a little research in my spare time on ways to naturally induce labor, i figured this should be the one i try first since it doesn't involve major diarrhea, or other things i am unwilling to try at this point. So, an hour and 3 miles later (yes- i was walking VERY slow - you saw how huge i am these days right?) i realized i was lost in my own neighborhood basically. i did eventually find my way home, but i had visions in my mind of going into labor on the side of the road just a few blocks from my house, yet having no idea where i was, my poor dog wondering what the heck was going on and why i had led him on a death march (but hey- at least i would be in labor, right?)
my favorite part of the walk was the looks from women driving past that (from the looks on their faces) knew EXACTLY what i was up to. that look of, "oh poor girl, she looks really uncomfortable" with a hint of "go for it girl, you get that baby on his way" and of course "oh... i remember that feeling, thank goodness it's her and not me." funny how i could read all of those things in a split second as they drove past.
i did survive and make it home safely - as did the dog. he slept really well last night.
apparently the walk did absolutely nothing except make me go crazy again this morning and lace up those shoes once more for another attempt (this time i made sure i knew where i was going.)
so, yeah- sane jessica can wait a while longer, but crazy jessica just might hurt someone (most likely herself) if things don't get moving a long here pretty quick.
i'll let you know who wins.

39 weeks...

i suppose it could be worse... check this lady out...




OUCH!!!

stay a while longer...

i went to the doctor yesterday. lately appointments have been pretty boring, but this one was the first time the doctor was going to check to see if i was dilated. i didn't think i would be disappointed when she said "you are not dilated at all" - but i totally was. up to this point i'd been totally ok with little owen waiting as long as possible to get here- not that i'm not anxious, i just was feeling overwhelmed with work and getting ready and everything. in my mind, it would be perfect to stop working, have 2 weeks to myself to relax and get last minute things done, and then he could come. right on his due date would be perfect in fact.
yet, sitting at home waiting for the inevitable has made me want him to be here now! i just want to hold him and see who he looks like and kiss those little fingers and toes!
of course i emailed clint right away at work when i got home from the doctor and told him how bummed i was that apparently owen was not in a very big hurry to get here. as he always does (that level headed hubby of mine) - he knew exactly the right thing to say. he reminded me that maybe owen wants a little more time to be extra close to his mom, and maybe Heavenly Father was having a hard time letting him go. of course, the tears started flowing and I started thinking.
wow. what a miracle. this little boy is coming straight from Heavenly Father's arms to ours.
i can't stop thinking about what he must be doing getting ready to come.
i imagine him spending as much time as possible with Heavenly Father trying to soak it all in so he won't forget what that perfect love feels like. i imagine him surrounded by his siblings assuring them that their time would come soon enough and that he'd prepare the way, and each of them begging to give mom and dad a hug for them and encouraging him that he'll do great.
i imagine the last teachings he must be receiving to prepare him for the great journey ahead, and the tender embrace of a loving Father that wants so much for his child to learn and grow, yet has such a hard time seeing them leave His side.
and then i thought, let him stay a little while longer.

sneak peek... owen's room

we've been hard at work getting the nursery all set up for owen's arrival - and those of you who know my husband know that this is no small task. he is the decorator in our family after all. after months of debating colors and themes and whatever else, we came to some compromises and I am really happy with the way things have turned out. here is a little preview, but you may just have to come visit once the heart and soul (owen himself) is here to bring it all to life.


believe it or not, i actually came up with this one and i think it turned out super cute. we were debating whether or not we wanted to paint the walls, and my sheer laziness made that decision super easy. i figured it would be easier to accessorize a really neutral backdrop than to find the perfect shade of paint to go with the bedding to go with everything else. (ask our friends amy and aaron who ended up painting their nursery 3 different shades of green before finally finding one that didn't make them want to gag). so, we kept it really simple - left the walls the taupe-y color they already are, added dark brown furniture, plain white bedding ( I have never been a fan of boys bedding- way too many cheesy toy cars and baby animals for my taste) and then found some cute ways to bring in a little personality. i decided i wanted owen's name on the wall, but wanted it to be cute and unique, and thought of this idea. these letters are just cut out of foamboard and then we sprayed them with spray adhesive and wrapped them in cute coordinating fabrics. then we hung a clothes line up and hung each letter with wooden clothespins. i love the look if i may say so myself. not too much, but just enough detail to be darling.


so, these pictures are the other side of the room - and this was clint's vision... i also think it turned out really cool and definitely something Iive never seen before. since we have a vinyl cutter and i married a graphic designer, we can do cool things like this. the tree is all out of vinyl (drawn by clint) and then we decided we would hang pictures off of it of our family - a family tree of sorts. right now the frames are just full of those lovely pictures that come in them from the store, but soon they will have pictures of our squishy little guy and the rest of the fam. cute, huh?

I LOVE BEING PREGNANT.

so, since i am a first timer and all, the whole pregnancy thing has been quite a trip. i was thrilled in the beginning after waiting what seemed like FOREVER to get pregnant and then as soon as i could start getting really excited about it, i was puking my brains out. i remember thinking how ironic it was that a few months earlier i would have given anything to be pregnant, and then there i was face buried deep in a toilet wishing i could be doing anything but throwing up. lets just say that i became very well acquainted with the toilet.


really, it is pretty cruel. you are so thrilled about this life-changing miraculous thing going on inside you and the only real reminder you have of it every day is how disgusting you feel at all times. anyone who knows me knows how much i hate being sick. the worst thing is that apparently i am a loud puker, and anyone who has ever HEARD me get sick has had a hard time feeling sorry for me and instead finds they can't hold in the giggles. not funny people.
anyways, i wasn't sure how long all that would last, but was so glad when the nausea stopped around 5 months and i could enjoy being pregnant without wanting to die all the time. i was totally one of those who embraced the belly - i wore maternity clothes as soon as humanly possible just so that people would know that i wasn't just getting fatter for no reason. and through the middle, i was blissfully happy to be prego. sure, heartburn got a little annoying, peeing all the time too, but really i felt good.
now here in the last trimester things have gotten interesting. i don't remember the last time i could see my feet (and it shows- i definitely need a pedicure, but since i can't reach my own toes, have yet to talk clint into painting my toenails, and am too cheap to pay someone else to do something i should be able to do myself - i go on with scary looking feet). i can't recall what it is like to sleep for more than 3 hours at a time without waking up to a throbbing bladder, an itchy belly, or aching hips. i know my husband must be entirely sick of me lying around in my underwear all the time - not a beautiful sight, but clothes are so annoying! need i go on? i am assuming that anyone who has been there knows what I am talking about. or am I the only one?
ANYHOW... on with my point. as you can see, the title of this post is "I LOVE BEING PREGNANT." sounds crazy with all of the weird stuff that goes on, but i was reminded this week why it is so dang AWESOME to be pregnant.
picture this: i was enjoying one of my first days off of work, trying to be incredibly productive (since technically, this baby could come any day now). i decided it was a good idea to go to a few stores and get together some shower gifts for 2 of my other friends that are pregnant. i was in target. by this time, i had already spent a few hours wandering around babies r'us with 2 seperate registries in hand, my big giant belly and had never even really gotten ready for the day. i had also been to marshalls in hopes of finding some great deals (you know how long that takes and how much energy is required to sort through all the junk to find the good deals.) target was the last stop on the list. all I wanted was some baskets. some cute baskets to put all the loot in. of course, i can't find anything cute and definitely nothing cheap enough and so i wander up and down the aisles of target hoping to find SOMETHING, ANYTHING to not make the 45 minutes already spent there a total waste.
so, you know how when you drop something and you are 9 months pregnant it is like the death to you? and yet, somehow you can't seem to hold on to anything and it appears that everything just slips right out of your hands and tumbles below to make certain for an incredibly flattering and graceful moment ahead?
well, here's me, in target, bending over to pick something up that i'd already dropped twice. i am exhausted, sweating, feet totally swollen, you get the idea. out of the corner of my eye i see a woman walk past the aisle, stop, and come back to get a good view. i'm thinking, come on... just let me have my privacy while i struggle to bend over.
but then she says this (bless her dear heart)... " you are.... BEAUTIFUL!!!"
i let out a laugh (really i did) because honestly- there is no way that that awkward stooping moment could have been beautiful. but then she repeated herself:
"no, really, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!"
it took me a minute to register - then i thanked her, totally embarrassed by now and realized later that i should have told her what a saint she was!
really, girls- when in your life has ANYONE (let alone a perfect stranger, and another WOMAN at that) stopped dead in their tracks to stop and tell you how beautiful you are? NEVER in my life has that happened until now. and then my mind went over all of my lovely pregnant moments that i have just revisited with you and that's when i thought, " I LOVE BEING PREGNANT."

ok, ok... it's been awhile...

i know i say that everytime... but life has been a little crazy these days! so, now that i'm officially on "maternity leave" yet have no baby to show for it just yet, i figure now is the perfect time to catch up on my blog. i really am envious of all those bloggers that have the discipline to actually update their blogs on a regular basis and apparently don't fall into the same trap that i do - i would much rather read about everyone else's interesting lives than write about my own. but, nonetheless - i suppose my fans do deserve a line or two as I know you are all so desperate to know what could possibly be going on in my world.
so, before life gets completely insane with a newborn around town, here goes.