the bump. well, more like the basketball...

be advised: very pregnant woman has been asked for a pregnancy update. danger!

(don't say i didn't warn ya.)
well, here we are at week 30 (and a half. let's be honest, the half weeks always count.) and i'm feelin it. it's funny the difference between this pregnancy and the first. since i was so sick with owen for almost 6 months, by the time the last trimester rolled around i was just so thankful to not be puking all the time that i didn't hardly notice the heartburn, the lack of oxygen, the crushing weight, the ridiculous bladder. well, that may not be entirely true- i noticed... it just seemed like such a relief compared to what i'd already been through.
this time around i was not nearly as sick (thank goodness!) but i must say the end of this one is much tougher. maybe it's crawling around on the ground playing cars, trying to hold a clingy toddler when he needs his mama, the already thin air, or that last time around i sat at a desk all day and then came home to lie on the couch all night. somehow i feel bigger (though i started out 20 lbs lighter than i was when i got pregnant with owen), more tired, and more dizzy pretty much all the time.
so, that's enough complaining.
i find that my emotions surrounding this pregnancy are so different. just like with owen, i am both excited and nervous, but in a totally different way. instead of the anxiety and unknowns of what it will be like to be a mom, now i just wonder how i will ever do it with two. will owen feel like he is getting the shaft? will there be enough of me to go around? will i crumble with no sleep, 2 babies, and recovery from a c-section? will clint get to spend quality time with his boys and still be able to do so well in school? i understand that i am not the only second-timer that has ever felt this way - and i know millions of moms have survived this stage. i really want to be present and somehow soak it all in instead of going into survival mode. any suggestions?
at the same time i am so excited for him to finally be here! i love the thought of our little growing family and being surrounded by my boys. we found out he was a he at a particularly poignant time for me - right around the election when i was so anxious about the future of our country and what that meant for my children. my heart was so full of worry of how they would handle the world and how i would prepare them for it. as soon as we knew it was a boy, clint reminded me that i'll now have sons to protect me and our family. my own little stripling warriors. what a comforting thought. i can't wait to see owey as a big brother and to watch these two grow up to be best buds. and to hold a teeny tiny baby again and kiss those tiny toes... oh, the thought makes me melt. i just can't wait.
as for the plan? i just found a new doctor here (thanks to aunt heidi), though unfortunately he can't see me until the end of the month. heidi recommended him since he did her c-sections, and i am just grateful to not have to pick a doctor by closing my eyes and pointing to one on the list. and yes, we are planning a c-section. i know it is possible to have a normal delivery after a c-section, but since the first one didn't quite fit, i have a sneaking suspicion this guy won't either. besides, being able to plan it all sure is convenient with a husband in school and grammy coming to help with owey and all that. my due date is march 21st, and i'm hoping i can schedule something the week before. i'll cross my fingers.
and as of now we are still undecided on names. we've gone back and forth on luke and a few others. the hardest thing for me is that there really isn't any name that i am just in love with. and honestly i'm not sure if we'll know before we see him (soooo not like me, i know!!) any names you love right now that a) go with erickson (no jacksons, hudsons, andersons, etc.) and b) are unique, but not weird (like owen)? most of the names on our list i have issues with how common they are (that's my biggest beef with luke). being a jessica, i know what that is like and want to avoid it if at all possible.
discuss.