my baby.

yesterday i got the bug to go through baby stuff and make room for #2. i thought it was a project that may take a week, but it turns out i am more organized than i had given myself credit for and was done by lunch time. as i sorted through owey's clothes deciding what to keep out and what to put back in the storage shed, i couldn't believe the nostalgia that came over me. the 6-12 month clothes reminded me of carmel valley and rexburg, of the craziness that was our life last summer. long car rides, trips to the park, hopes to make new friends... 3 - 6 reminded me of running. somehow i pictured all of those little clothes on my bundled up running partner that faithfully accompanied me on my quest to challenge myself. it wasn't until i got to the 0-3 month box that i found myself nearly welling up. how can it be? owey was never that small. how did he get so big? pulling out those teeny tiny little onesies and itty bitty jeans and camo pants just made my jaw drop. where did all the time go? and, (in 28 days) will i really have another little love of my life small enough to fit into those precious memories in fabric form? i was doing pretty good until i found the lamby jammies and that's where i lost it. i mean, remember this?

clint and i used to wish he could wear those lamby jammies every night - he just looked so yummy and cuddly in them. but now they wouldn't fit over his foot if we tried. what happened to my baby?
with the thoughts of little brother coming to town, while i am of course anxious and ready to be done being pregnant, i am starting to feel panicked at the thought of losing the only baby i've ever known and loved to pieces. does he have to grow up? can't they just stay little forever? of course i can't wait to meet the new addition, but what about my main man? i miss him already...

mr. cupid was good to us...

he started out with pink pancakes and strawberries for breakfast and ended with cpk, peanut butter balls and sugar cookies with good friends. in between...

he brought a new do:

lots of snow for owey to eat:

some new books for me:

a few beanies for clint:

and lots of love. i have yet to finish the turtle and his friend mr. bear (i'm trying to find the best option for eyes)
we had a great day - simple, yet fun, and most importantly TOGETHER.
my sweet man made me feel loved and beautiful, as always - and put his money (not literally) where his mouth is when i woke up in the middle of the night crying in pain with charlie horses in my legs. his immediate response to rub, rub, rub until those nasty buggers went away reminded me of what love really is. not flowers or chocolates (thank goodness) or sparkly gems - but caring for someone else and their needs more than your own. i am one lucky girl.
hope mr. cupid was as good to you and yours...

my funny valentine...

today i am so grateful to love and be loved by this hot hunk. i never could have imagined such a perfect match for me and such a happy life in love. thank you for all that you are and all that you are becoming. i love you more today than ever before and look forward to more where that came from.
all the way home...
xoxo, cakes.

love is in the air...

so, valentines day has never been my favorite holiday. it seems most of my (single) life it only made me painfully aware of how very single i was (which is why we dubbed it single awareness day) and the thought of pink and red hearts and x's and o's and blah blah made me gag. i remember when i got my mission call and realized i'd be in the mtc on v-day and i wanted to die thinking about all of those desperate valentines sent to missionaries who were supposed to be focused elsewhere. (i was a little dramatic- it wasn't that bad.) i had a bit more hope once i found my man, but turns out, although he is many things, a lover of "made-up holidays" is not one of them. and so, we have never made a big deal about it. clint has made sure to make me feel loved, but not in the over-the-top, ridiculously over-priced red roses and diamonds kind of way. just simple expressions of love that he says shouldn't require a holiday to flaunt to the rest of the world. knowing this about my hubby dear makes valentines day a lot easier - i don't expect much and neither does he. 'nuff said.
this year i decided to make it easy for him and still work to my advantage (i'm a good wife like that). the other day when he got home from school i let him know that since he is so busy and tied up with tests and quizzes and chemistry, i had already arranged for my valentine's day gift from him (sometimes you just have to take things into your own hands). and what is it you might ask?

a much needed trip to the salon.

i know- i'm sooo extravagant.
it has almost been a year since i've had a real profesh do my hair, and though i'm not that high-maintenance, it's time. so, i'm trying to get ideas for what i want - something cute and funky, yet easy and EASY. coincidentally, my sis just got bangs and i've been contemplating the same thing - though i haven't had bangs since... 5th grade maybe? of course that would mean i would either a) straighten my hair a lot or b) pin them back a lot - i don't believe in straight bangs with curly hair. though i see it all the time here in lovely utah, in my mind that hasn't been ok since perms and the wave were in style (like i said- about 5th grade). and if you've never seen curly bangs, consider yourself lucky. not pretty. so, i have 2 more days to stew over what to do... i know, my life is so exciting.
in other love day news, here is a sneak peak of my present to owen:
i'm pretty much in love. he's not done yet, and he has a friend to go with him that isn't done either, so i'll be sure to post pics after the big day. i love making stuff for my boy, but unfortunately he's not quite at the age to actually appreciate hand-made goodness (actually, do boys ever appreciate that?) - hopefully he'll like it and my arthritis won't be in vain. (i don't really have arthritis - but after a day of crocheting like a mad woman you would think so.)
we also attempted sugar cookies - since owey is obsessed with watching me cook (wants me to hold him the entire time, which is quite tricky with a giant belly and a heavy, squirmy toddler) i thought he would totally dig it.

wrong-o. the boy was not impressed. and i was not that impressed with martha's recipe. nikki - i need yours asap! (yet another reason for you to start a blog)
so, on we go trying to be festive and love-ly.
i mean, really - all you need is love...

hope against hope

last night we read elder uchtdorf's conference talk for family home evening (this after having a relief society lesson on hope on sunday) and today i can't get his words out of my mind:

"I remember well the days in my childhood encompassed by the horrors and despair of a world war, the lack of educational opportunities, life-threatening health issues during youth, and the challenging and discouraging economic experiences as a refugee. The example of our mother, even in the worst of times, to move forward and put faith and hope into action, not just worrying or wishful thinking, sustained our family and me and gave confidence that present circumstances would give way to future blessings."

most of us have never lived through a world war, will never know what it is like to be a refugee, have never had serious health issues, and have all the opportunity we could ever ask for. i admit, my silly little trials pale in comparison to all that elder uchtdorf went through as a child. and i think of his mother. how did she do it? how did she manage to have hope through so much despair? how did she let that hope radiate through her and permeate the lives of her children? how did she help them to realize that even in the midst of great struggle, there is room for happiness and for hope?

i went to bed thinking about how i can be this kind of a mother. how can i, regardless of circumstance and situation, make sure that my children see me as a ray of hope? how can i help them to know that even though life may be hard at times, we can always find peace and joy?

i don't know the answer yet, but i know a few things i can do to start:
1) i can work hard to eliminate negativity in my life
2) i can surround myself with optimistic, loving, happy people who make me want to be better
3) i can let go of worry, anxiety, stress, and unmet expectations and realize that none of these things change my circumstance and only make me more miserable
4) i can recognize hope as a gift of the spirit and pray to be filled with it

easier said than done? yes. but i think i may have just found my mission for 2009.
i have so much to hope for.
at the top of my list are the hopes i have for my beautiful boys (clint included).
is it possible for me to live this year with more hope for the future and less wishing things were different? i think it is. and i think i am ready to give it a go.
"sanity may be madness but the maddest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be." - don quixote